Reflecting on our past can provide profound insights and growth. In this blog post, I embark on a heartfelt journey to converse with my younger self, sharing the struggles, lessons, and faith that have shaped my life. Join me as I explore the challenges faced, the wisdom gained, and the powerful transformation and healing that comes from embracing our past with compassion and understanding all while inviting Jesus right smack dab in the middle of the mess.
A Walk Down Memory Lane
It’s been a week since my son graduated high school, and I’m sitting here on the back deck looking at a picture of myself from 23 years ago on my graduation night. Shout out to the DCHS class of 2001! There she is with her short, above-shoulder haircut, white glittery eyeshadow, and probably white eyeliner because that was a thing back then. Her smile is big, with giant crocodile tears falling from her eyes. It’s wild looking back on this photo. She was feeling all the emotions then, too.
The Healing Struggle
She was hanging on for dear life, with no plans, pretty much homeless, jobless, and lonely. It was one day at a time for her. She had failed miserably in school. She was trying to survive, but her version of survival was damaged because so was her home, her family, and her heart. But by the grace of God, she completed night school while going to school during the day and living alone in her father’s house because he traveled for work. She had been kicked out of her mother and stepdad’s house. Despite the world against her, she did it! She walked down that hill one last time, beaming with pride but not without bumps and bruises.
“Tension is a good thing; like tension holds up a bridge, tension will also help hold you while healing. Embrace the tension and know it will be there. You can’t heal without it.”
An Invitation to Return – Discover Healing
I believe the ones who have experienced childhood hurt, abandonment, ya know, THAT WORD…trauma are given an assignment. I like to see it as an invitation to return to our younger selves with open arms, to feel the tension, and to find peace and supernatural healing. A friend once said, “Tension is a good thing; like tension holds up a bridge, tension will also help hold you while healing. Embrace the tension and know it will be there. You can’t heal without it.” Our stories have different parts and tensions; we see them through various lenses and break down each part uniquely. Profound abandonment, shame, and loneliness drenched my life for decades until I accepted the invitation to heal and allowed tension and Love to coexist.
“Profound abandonment, shame, and loneliness drenched my life for decades until I accepted the invitation to heal and allowed tension and Love to coexist.”
BUT GOD!
I am incredibly proud of you to that young girl on that night all those years ago. I want to thank God for salvation and how He takes broken, beat-up, and bruised souls and makes them whole again. Thank you, Holy Spirit, for being the breath in our lungs. Thank you for taking us on the wildest ride of redemption and restoration. I wish you knew then, on that night 23 years ago, how Jesus would crash into your life, changing your lineage forever.
A Legacy of Hope
You will have a son who will set the stage for the next generation, not with chains but with wings that soar with compassion, confidence, and faith. You will watch him graduate with honors. He will walk upright with pride and a list of triumphs while you celebrate your ten-month-old daughter learning to feed herself, clap, and wave. You will break free from shame, abandonment, and loneliness. Jesus will meet you right in the middle of the wilderness.
"For God's promise of the Holy Spirit is for you and your families, for those yet to be born and for everyone whom the Lord our God calls to himself."
Acts 2:39 TPT
Finding Freedom
By the power of the Holy Spirit, you will experience freedom and breakthrough! It may seem impossible right now, but you will find your way. You will learn to love again. You will learn to love yourself for the first time since you were a little girl – before the world influenced you otherwise. You will know what true joy feels like. You will learn that creativity, nature, and community are vital to living and part of your identity. You will discover your weaknesses and how to embrace them. You will fail miserably repeatedly, but the Holy Spirit will lead you, constantly calling out to you. You will have the resources, people you need, and a community to lean on. You will continuously be growing because healing is not linear.
Embracing Vulnerability
Remember, you are responsible for what you say but not how people respond. It’s okay to be vulnerable; you must be in life to heal, but only with your safe people – which the Lord will provide. You will pray and pray for years and years. It will be for different things in different seasons, but soon, baby girl, you will be living out the prayers you prayed. God knows the desires of your heart. You will learn to discern what feels authentic and not care what the world around you is doing. You will fall in love with learning, which has always been challenging. I could go on and on, listing all the million little miracles you will experience.
Brene Brown – The Power of Vulnerabiltiy TED Talk: https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_the_power_of_vulnerability
The Path Is Narrow
The path is narrow, my love, but it leads to the most beautiful destinations. And you will still experience bumps and bruises along the way, but deep in your soul you will learn that you belong, you are seen, you are wanted, and you are SAFE. Never stop praying for what your heart desires. The Lord is faithful and HE WILL provide and it will be more than you ever imagined. You will one day live healed and whole. You will one day live out all the prayers you prayed, your deepest wounds will be healed leaving a beautiful scar. You will help other people walk through their pain. You are a peacemaker. Never give up on your dreams. And remember when you get there, “be who you needed when you were younger”.
“Come to God through the narrow gate, because the wide gate and broad path is the way that leads to destruction—nearly everyone chooses that crowded road! The narrow gate and the difficult way leads to eternal life—so few even find it!”
Matthew 7:13-14 TPT
“Be Who You Needed When You Were Younger”
UNKNOW
Start The Chat With Your High School Self:
- Journal – Write a letter to your younger self.
- Spend time in nature connecting to your Creator.
- Read the Word of God – here you will learn who He is and who HE says you were meant to be.
- Pray
- Worship
- Surround yourself with a community of likeminded people. People who cheer for you and hold you accountable.
- Find a picture from high school and have it sitting out while you journal and/or meditate on what you want to say.
- Start therapy – THIS WAS HUGE on my healing journey. I LOVE MY THERAPIST!
There is so much more to share! I hope to keep sharing my story here with you. I pray my story encourages you and leads you to the hope and peace that is found only in Jesus.
What would you say to your high school self? Share in the comments below!
This was beautiful and so encouraging!!! Thank you for sharing.
You are so sweet! Thank you for reading!