Multi-Phase Parenting; The Good Messy; Lessons from Parenting
Motherhood is a journey unlike any other, filled with moments of joy, challenge, and profound growth. As the mother of an 18-year-old and a 1-year-old, I find myself navigating two vastly different stages of life under the same roof. The unique age gap between my children presents its challenges and blessings, offering me a front-row seat to the diverse ways God shapes our lives. Through the ups and downs, I’ve realized that my children are my greatest blessings and my most outstanding teachers, guiding me in faith, patience, and the beauty of embracing the good messy of life. It’s a journey that fills my heart with joy and fulfillment, inspiring me to share my experiences with you. Lessons about parenting with a multi-phase gap and embracing the good messy.
Multi-Phase Parenting: Lessons from Parenting an 18-Year-Old and a 1-Year-Old
Being a mother to an 18-year-old and a 1-year-old is a unique position. At times, it can feel like I am all alone in the gap. There’s not a lot of “us” out there. Their significant age gap keeps me constantly engaged, navigating the diverse stages of their lives. The redemptive love I feel just by being their mom is beyond anything I could’ve imagined. I’m forever grateful for the incredible lessons my children teach me.
Multi-Phase Parenting and the Dual Blessing of Perspective
My son’s spiritual wisdom and my daughter’s innocent curiosity create a beautiful balance in my life. He reminds me to pray fervently and immerse myself in the Word, grounding my faith. Conversely, she helps me see the world through the lens of awe and wonder, a perspective that’s so easy to lose as we grow older. This balance enriches my life in ways I never imagined.
It’s a beautiful dance between two worlds. Standing on the brink of adulthood, my oldest has a depth and maturity that calls me higher. His presence is a daily reminder to stay anchored in my faith. I’m often encouraged by 1 Thessalonians 5:17, “Pray without ceasing.” His journey into adulthood and the professional world pushes me to pray more fervently, leaning on God’s guidance as I release him to become the man he’s destined to be.
On the other hand, my youngest brings me back to the simple joys of life. Watching her discover the world is like seeing the world anew through her eyes. Psalm 65:8 says, “They who dwell in the ends of the earth stand in awe of Your signs; You make the dawn and the sunset shout for joy.” Her innocence and wonder unexpectedly strengthened my awe and wonder, even though she is the youngest among us.
The Good Messy
This morning, my daughter, who is one, was eating breakfast. Usually, she has an egg and organic chicken sausage for breakfast, but we were out of eggs, so I whipped up some Greek yogurt with blueberries (her FAVE). I put it in a bowl and handed it to her with a spoon. I give her the spoon to help her become familiar with holding it. Her skill is still developing. But you should’ve seen the undeniable joy beaming from her face. She felt like such a BIG GIRL! She immediately started to dig in, and I just let her go.
As I turned to look back at her from the sink, she was covered in yogurt and blueberry juice, and her face, hands, and hair were a lovely mess. But she was unfazed by her appearance, fully engrossed in the joy of eating. As I watched her and recorded the moment, the Holy Spirit reminded me, “Learning can be messy and still be good.”
Later in the afternoon, she tumbled down a landing in our living room, leaving a little bruise on the corner of her eyebrow. Again, I was reminded that not only can learning be messy, but it can downright hurt, hence “growing pains.” Regardless of the blueberry-covered face or a blue bruise on the edge of her brow, she is learning to embrace the process.
Multi-Phase Parenting; The Good Messy; Lessons from Parenting
Transition
My oldest is learning, growing, and transitioning into the “big world.” He’s learning to become the man God created him to be. He is becoming a professional in his trade, becoming who he is in relationship to himself, others, and God. He is becoming a man—a full-grown man.
Watching them learn in the mess is such a sweet spot. It’s one of those feelings you cannot explain, but you know it’s good because you feel joy and peace. God’s presence is near. The mess is not something to be feared or avoided; it’s part of the process. Ecclesiastes 3:11 reminds us, “He has made everything beautiful in its time.” The beauty lies in the journey, the process of becoming, and the mess that often accompanies it.
Finding Balance and Peace in the Good Messy +Lessons in Parenting:
Finding balance can be challenging for a mom. Honestly, I think it’s an illusion. But it’s also an incredible opportunity to grow and deepen my faith. I see you, mama, with any age gap. Seek guidance and wisdom from other moms. Use resources to guide you and teach you how to navigate both worlds. Remember, your faith is your anchor on this journey, providing reassurance and a deep spiritual connection to surrender. Sit with Jesus and pray for your children. Their needs will be very different, but MAN OH MAN, will you grow in your faith in God!
Here are a few things that have helped me find peace in the good messy:
- Prayer and Scripture: Daily prayer and reading the Word are essential. Pray specifically for each child, their needs, and their stage of life. Verses like Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it,” provide encouragement and direction.
- Embrace the Mess: Understand that life, like learning, is often messy. It’s okay if everything doesn’t go according to plan. What matters is the heart behind it and the growth that comes from it.
- Find Joy in the Small Moments: Don’t let the busyness of life steal your joy. Find little moments to pause throughout your day – breathe, look up, and move. Whether it’s a shared laugh over a spilled bowl of yogurt or a deep conversation with your teenager, cherish these moments.
Conclusion: Growing in Faith Through The Good Messy
Motherhood is a journey of growth, love, and faith, especially when you have children with such an age gap. It’s a beautiful mess, filled with moments that challenge and stretch you. But amid it all, profound joy and peace come from trusting God with your children’s lives.
As you navigate the different stages of motherhood, remember to lean into the lessons your children teach you. They are as much your guides as you are theirs. Above all, keep your eyes fixed on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith (Hebrews 12:2). He will give you the strength, wisdom, and grace you need to navigate this incredible journey.
With my whole heart,
Brandy
Multi-Phase Parenting; The Good Messy; Lessons from Parenting
Resources:
Books
- “The Power of a Praying Parent” by Stormie Omartian – A guide for praying effectively for your children at every stage of life.
- “Praying the Scriptures for Your Adult Children” by Jodie Berndt– Biblically based prayers and encouraging stories to guide you as you pray with hope-filled trust for your adult children through anything they may face.
- “Siblings Without Rivalry” by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish – Practical strategies for fostering healthy sibling relationships, regardless of age difference.
Websites & Blogs
- Risen Motherhood
- Website: risenmotherhood.com
- Risen Motherhood is a well-known blog and podcast that provides gospel-centered encouragement for moms. It focuses on how the gospel can shape your perspective on motherhood and daily life.
- The Purposeful Mom
- Website: thepurposefulmom.com
- This blog is about helping Christian moms be intentional in their faith, family, and everyday life. It includes resources for Bible study, homeschooling, and practical tips for managing a home.
- Club 31 Women
- Website: club31women.com
- Club 31 Women is a collaborative blog encouraging Christian women in all stages of life, including motherhood. It covers various topics, such as faith, marriage, parenting, and personal growth.
- Inspired to Action
- Website: inspiredtoaction.com
- Inspired to Action is focused on helping moms build routines and habits that align with their faith. It offers resources on topics like prayer, parenting, and self-care, all from a Christian perspective.
These blogs are great for inspiration, advice, and community as you navigate motherhood with faith.
Podcasts
- Risen Motherhood
- Description: Hosted by Emily Jensen and Laura Wifler, this podcast is about how the gospel shapes motherhood. They discuss topics like identity, discipline, and balancing life with a gospel-centered perspective.
- Website: risenmotherhood.com/podcast
- The Messy Table
- Description: Hosted by Jenn Jewell, this podcast features real conversations with real women about faith, family, and life. It’s designed to encourage moms to navigate motherhood’s messy, beautiful journey while seeking to grow in their faith.
- Website: jennjewell.com/themessytable
These podcasts offer a variety of perspectives and topics, all aimed at encouraging and equipping Christian moms in their journey
Support Groups & Online Communities
- Local MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) Groups
- Many MOPS groups support moms of children in various age ranges, fostering a sense of community and shared experience.
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